well, im confused. idk how to fix what had happened to me lately. i often asked myself "whats going on?" "am i changing myself?" "am i selfish?" "what the ikan im doing right now?" and the answer is I DONT KNOW. maybe this a lesson from Him so i can grow up a little and be more matured.
i can simply say "im give up" "im tired of these" "im done" but thats not me. im stronger than you think. im not weak and i cant be like a baby that like to crying when hungry, sleepy, wants to play and bla bla. im teenager now and soon i will be 20. so, takkan semua benda nak harapkan orang yang settle kan? aite?
things didnt run smoothly as we planned. and i quite upset bout that :/ asthagafirullah. aku lupa, kita ni manusia. kita rancang masa depan kita tapi Allah yang tentukan sama ada plans kita tu jadi ke tak. Dia tahu The Best for us. and im pretty sure He had better plan for us. dan rancangan Allah adalah yang terbaik :)
naziha once said "dont let him down" but now i guess, im letting him down. ya Allah, im totally confused :( last night, i cant stop thinking about arwah sir (you know who is him) and tears steaming down. and i keep on saying "im sorry sir" and only if sorry will switched everything right.
no one knows how hard to keep this one around. no one knows how im struggling to pretend theres nothing happened and im happy. no one knows whos on the right side and whos the bad guy. no one knows except Allah. i tell the whole story to Him (eventhough He already knew) , what i felt. and i asked Him "ya Allah, am i strong enough to face all these things?" Allah already replied me in the Quran.
Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya, ia mendapat pahala kebajikan yang diusahakannya dan ia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang dilakukannya…
( Al-Baqarah: 286)
so, the answer is imma strong and brave princess ;) and crying didnt solve any problems dear pretty :) sometimes, kita kena pandang 'orang bawah' yang ada masalah lebih besar dari kita tapi mereka masih tetap bersyukur dengan kehidupan yang mereka ada sekarang. kita juga kena tengok 'orang atas' kita, though mereka lebih segala-galanya dari kita tapi jangan ingat mereka bahagia. my father once said "rumah besar tapi ada banyak masalah pun tak guna juga" aku bukan nak cakap semua orang wealthy ni ada masalah tapi bukan nama nya hidup kalau takde masalah. kan?
jadi, be grateful dengan kehidupan sekarang. and selalu ingat bila kita ditimpa musibah atau feeling uneasy, rasa sedih, kecewa and yada yada... Dia selalu ada. Dia, Allah. bukan kau, bukan aku :) doa pada Dia, minta dipermudahkan segala kesulitan yang dialami, diberikan kekuatan untuk menghadapi ujian Allah. in syaa Allah :)
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| chin up, princess :) |
"ku bersujud padaMu, doa pada Yang Satu, padaMu aku mengadu"
thanks for reading.
Barakallahu fik :)